Pregnancy:
I am emotionally and physically tired. It seems like the "better months" of being pregnant is not nearing. I stay in bed at least 15 hours a day because of dizziness. I will only get up when I need to especially when I need to run in the bathroom and throw up or urinate. I'm so emotionally tired too because of these sudden changes of hormones sometimes I would just start crying for no apparent reason. I feel that I am a burden to Rico and to my girls. I have been relying on Rico every single time I need something. Even getting up to go get some food sometimes I couldn't do because of this dizziness. I feel better only when I'm lying down on bed but not necessarily sleeping. At night I couldn't sleep till about 4am and sleep most of the day. Since we're moving back to San Francisco "baby Je" hasn't been seen by an OB. I feel that I'm depriving the baby a healthy life by not going to the doctors early on. I have been seen by my family doctor and has given me prenatal vitamins but that's about it. I haven't been check by a ob-gyne. I feel that if baby isn't born healthy it will all be my fault. All these emotions keep me awake at night imagining all the consequences. I pray many many times a day that baby will be born healthy in spite of not having the early check-ups my girls had. The very first prenatal check-up would be on April 13. I feel that that's a little too late but since all these moving stuff and moving my insurance and waiting for approvals and authorization I have to wait til then. Despite of all these physical and emotional symptoms happening to me I am still happy to have a new baby coming our way.
Deployment of Rico:
Rico's leaving in two weeks for six months. I have been too preoccupied with the symptoms of my pregnancy that I didn't notice that he is leaving in two weeks. For the past few days I have been crying myself to sleep because he'll be away from us for so many months. I just hope that he gets to be there when I give birth to baby JE. The girls and I got used to Rico being with us since he wasn't stationed on a ship for almost 4 years but this is his job there is nothing we can do but pray that six months will just pass us by.
The Girls:
Jelynn & Jewelle have been really good. They seem to understand what I'm going through. For little kids like them I give them alot of credit for being partly good girls and trying to listen to their dad. Jelynn's birthday is on the 26th and I feel so bad that we don't have anything plan for her special day because of all these stuff going on. She's been understanding even though I know she wants to go to Disneyland. I really don't know how we can fit Disneyland in two weeks maybe I'll have Rico take the girls to Chuckie Cheese if I don't feel good. I'll just have their grandfather throw a double birthday party for them in San Francisco since Jewelle's birthday would be on the 22nd of April. Jewelle's been really close to her dad lately maybe because there are times that I can't be a mommy to her. When I start to feel bad and I start to cry she's the one who comes near me and gives me hugs & kisses. I call her my little big girl because she seems to know how to make me feel better.
Thank Yous:
Thank you for all of you who still dropped by in my blog and ask me how am I doing. I really appreciate all the concerns and love. I'm sorry if I haven't been leaving comments or haven't been dropping by your blog. I try sometimes when I feel a little better and read updates from time to time. Again, thank you for reading I appreciate it always...
